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I keep wanting to say "mattress store" for myself, but I don't know why

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covid shit, not great 

I don't even like golf, but I'd take it if it meant spending an afternoon outside with friends

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covid shit, not great 

talking to family members in less locked down states and getting kinda wistful

*Cake performing Federal Funding voice*
We can have Consensual Sexfights
You can get a bloody nose

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gonna be the next johnny cash with my hit single, "A Girl Named Consensual Sexfight"

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anyways, I looked up the wikipedia page for this song and just started laughing

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*Take a Knee, My Ass (I Won't Take a Knee) voice* Fuck You, Landlord (I Don't Fuck Landlords)

aliens come to earth and they have some opinions about how we use the word "universal"

food and death, I guess 

we fear olive loaf because it is a reminder that one day, we will die. a pimento mori.

i got a coupon for half off my admission to hell. it's a real devil's bargain

the more I write about this, the more I feel like an Achewood character is trying to escape my head

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wait, shit, I got it

"Please, Mr. Sexfight was my father. Call me Consensual. Or are you gonna learn what happens when you misgender a Sexfight twice?"

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Princess Grace's Space Base Place

Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.